1 out of 5 stars

While a 1 star review typically indicates “I hated it”, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I hated Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. However, it’s definitely not two star worthy,

I think that the premise of the book is a premise that had potential: Ana, a naive, college student, soon to be graduate meets Christian, a rich, powerful, handsome man and falls in love with him despite learning that he is into the BDSM lifestyle. She even attempts to give the lifestyle, or part of the lifestyle a go for him. The premise does have potential…in the hands of a good writer. And therein lies the problem with the book: E.L. James is no writer, not even a good one.   In fact, Fifty Shades of Grey is probably one of the most poorly written books I’ve read in a long time.

The plot line of the book has serious flaws. The plot, as James has written it, draws heavily on the BDSM lifestyle, and the concept of the contract between a Dom and his/her sub. Unfortunately, James’s handling of the lifestyle turns into a vast misrepresentation of the Dom/sub relationship. In fact, Christian, as the Dom, violates many of the principles of that lifestyle that would never be violated. James has created, through her plot, a stereotype of what she thinks this lifestyle is like which creates huge holes in the accuracy and authenticity of what she presents.

Further, the plot just doesn’t have enough substance to it. After finishing the book, I felt like there simply wasn’t enough there for a complete novel. Too much was left unsaid and unanswered. Once could argue that this is why it’s a trilogy, but good trilogies still consist of books that seem whole and complete on their own.

Not only is the plot paper-thin, but the dialogue is, quite frankly, terrible. The dialogue, which James strives so hard to make witty, is just not; in fact, much of it is insipid. This book could have used a much more serious editing job than it received when it was moved from the realm of Twilight fan fiction to a published novel (the first installment in a trilogy, nonetheless). Good grief, just how many times can Christian be described as beautiful? Or how many times can his long fingers be mention, or how many times can one character use the expression “Holy F***” in one novel?

Ana is a college student, majoring in English Literature.  At one point in the book, Christian tells Anastasia to research the BDSM lifestyle.  Here response:

“Research?”  (She responds as if the concept of research is foreign to her.  What graduating college senior doesn’t know how to research?)

When Christian suggests that it’s  amazing what can be found on the internet, Ana’s response is to claim that she doesn’t have access to a computer.  Well, what college student doesn’t have access to a computer.  Sure, she might not own one, but she can borrow Kate’s laptop or use computers in the school library; it’s easy enough to erase search histories.  But, Ana is so technologically inept (or so it seems in the way that she has been written) that she probably wouldn’t know how to do that.  Unfortunately, it’s also the idea of researching on the internet that seems to come across as foreign to her, rather than simply the lack of her own computer being the problem.

Ana, her roommate Kate, and her friends are supposed to be college students, but they don’t talk like college students if you pay attention to the dialogue. Instead, they talk like they are 30-40 years old. (The language is a bit reminiscent of Victorian era erotica, actually.) Perhaps Ana talks this way because she prefers the company of books, especially classic literature, to other social activities, but this doesn’t explain why the other characters don’t sound their age.

Not only is the plot beyond weak and the dialogue poor, but the characters are cardboard characters with no real depth to them. In fact, the characters are more caricatures and stereotypes than they are real characters. Ana does act like the naive, virginal college student, but her actions are so cliched that it makes for a teeth grinding read. Kate, Ana’s roommate, is also a caricature of the self-possessed, rich, beautiful college girl, who though “tenacious” according to Ana, also gets by on her looks and her parents’ connections. And Christian IS the cardboard self-assured, young billionaire, who always gets his way through either money or coercion and influence of other means. None of the characters have any sense of depth to them.

If you have read the Twilight novels, you can definitely tell that this was originally fan fiction. Anastasia is Bella Swan in her actions and mannerisms. I kept wanting her to grow a spine. Christian Grey is Edward Cullen, right down to the copper colored messy hair that Ana has the desire to always run her fingers through. Okay, so Christian’s eyes are grey, and he doesn’t sparkle like Edward does, but he is most definitely Edward.

Despite the fact that I think the book was so poorly written, I may actually read the other two books in the trilogy simply because a member of my book club, for which I read the book, has read all three, and she thinks that books two and three are do get better.

However, if you are looking for well-written erotic literature, this is definitely not the book you should choose.  There are far better erotic novels on the market, including Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty series.